The things that can chip away…
August 13, 2017
There’s a thing that can happen.
With subtlety or obvious effect.
It’s a thing we do to ourselves mostly, without knowing it or not really on purpose. We do it with the best of intentions.
It can look like this.
We don’t start, finish, practice...
We chastise ourselves for breaking a commitment we made to ourselves to go to the gym, learn the ukulele, practice our Spanish. It could be anything.
We make it all about our lack of focus, will power, determination, or worse, our laziness, our inability to succeed.
Somehow though in the same time, we’ve learned a piece of music for a duet to help one of our friends complete their demo, we bake 43 cupcakes for school on short notice including 5 gluten free ones, and we take on yet another project when asked-by someone else.
We do our best to fulfill that commitment. We revel, we desire, we want to feel important, helpful, needed.
Where is all this going?
We state, with necessary emphasis, that we are so busy, but we made a commitment and we’ll get it done. They are depending on us.
Again, where are we going with this?
We think we’ll get back to those things we said we’d do for ourselves. We’ll find the time to learn those new skills, finish that book, and have that conversation we said we would have.
And we don’t.
We put someone or something else ahead our own commitments.
Every time, though, that we break our own commitments, we lose a little bit of ourselves. Every time we are out of integrity with ourselves, a little bit of our spirit gets chipped away.
It costs us something.
It gets harder to even remember our aspirations. Our vision of what we could do or be starts fading.
We struggle and worry that people will think we are selfish or self centred if we focus on our dreams.
We can’t seem to find the balance between being there for others and being there for ourselves.
I don’t have the answer.
I do have the awareness to know that when I keep giving it all away without doing the things I know will fill up my soul, I won’t have anything left for anyone.
I do know that when I see someone reach their potential or strive to reach their potential, I am never consumed with even a momentary thought that they have been selfish.
If they have released art into the world, for everyone to share and experience, I am aware of a feeling of their generosity.
So, I say yes to others, when I can and I say yes to myself.
And I keep filling the cup and sharing the cup.